Brave?

Some some people have said that I am Brave for moving to China, that it is something they wished they had done, or that they could never do.  Either way, I never thought of myself as Brave for packing up and moving to teach and live in China.

Yes, moving to China is a pretty big deal, and getting used to the differences in culture is a bit of a shock.  But, what I have realized, is that the true Bravery comes in when you want to travel outside of the city you live in.  It is so easy to stay in my apartment, take the bus, or cab into Jinhua, hang out with friends at The Red Cactus, Danny's, The Reading Cafe, and I feel pretty safe and secure in this city.  I always know I can find my way home, there is someone to call if I am stuck, and people are generally helpful.  At the same time, there is almost know one in Jinhua who speaks English, but I have never had a real issue with this because I am pretty comfortable in my surroundings.

So. I am going to Shanghai this weekend.  Not a big deal right? It is only a three hour "fast" train ride. And it is a huge city with some people who can speak English, there are English signs, and English speaking tour guides, there are even foreigners around! But this trip has me so nervous! I hadn't realized how much I hadn't pushed my comfort zone in quite some time.  Although I am in a new country, I have found a very comfortable place here in Jinhua, with my regular coffee spot, my regular market, the regular trip to Wal Mart and Century Mart - now I am going to a whole new city!

I have been kind of freaking out a little, printing off maps, getting the pinyon and english translations of the chinese characters, contacting every resource that anyone has ever given me of friends of friends who live in Shanghai "just incase".  I have called the Hostel twice to ensure my reservation is kept until midnight just incase the 35 minutes it says it takes to get there takes me three hours.

My goal is to wander the city, buy some clothes, eat some yummy food and sit in a pub and listen to live music. (and meet up with some pretty awesome people that Corri and Kyra have introduced me to) Take pretty photo's and enjoy a weekend out of Jinhua.  All the rest will come together, right? My hope is that once I arrive in Shanghai, things will be a little easier than I expected.  If not, well, then all my planning has been a good idea!

So, I've put my big girl pants on and I am going to go to Shanghai, I'm going to take in every moment and be Brave. The easiest thing to do would be to stay in my apartment (which would make my Dad happy!) and enjoy a wonderful weekend of planning and doing way to much work, but, isn't there some quote about if it scares you you should definitely be doing it? Well, here I go!

No matter where we are in the world, wherever you live, it doesn't have to be in a different country, we get into our comfort zones so easily.  I challenge you to take a risk, it might be changing up what you had for breakfast, or something bigger, like taking that vacation you always said you would (to China to visit me obviously). But I hope you get out there! Challenge yourself and do something that scares you! Adventure and growth begins at the end of our comfort zone. Thank-you to all of you who have inspired me to get out there, and push my limits.  

Relationships

So, we have been reading Tuck Everlasting for what feels like an eternity.  So, to spice things up I've added in some "hot topic reflections".  The first one I had the students reflect on, was same sex relationships.  The second one, which they wrote yesterday was, "should boyfriends and girlfriends be allowed in high school?"

Before I go into their thoughts on both of these topics, I should give some history about the students here.  For one, they are NOT allowed to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, if they are found to be spending too much time with the opposite sex, their parents will be called, and the principal called, it is very serious and has major consequences.  Students are told from their parents and other family members that being in a relationship is for mature adults, and that if they were to date in high school, that they would not be able to focus on their studies, and studies are the most important.  This leads to obvious complications for them as they get older, and more importantly when they move to Canada and will need to interact with male and females, in a positive way. (you can see the many other complications coming in here when Western society embraces all sorts of relationships). Just getting them to hold hands in a circle at sixteen years old with the opposite sex is getting them out of their comfort zone.

Secondly, Homosexuality, is Illegal. Done. NO discussion. However, these students are of a different generation than their parents, and they are becoming a little more open to the idea. Isn't it ironic that the girls and boys in this country can show so much affection towards each other, the guys can hold hands, the girls can hold hands, hug and generally care for their friends, and not one person would call them out as "gay".  In Canada, kids are committing suicide, getting throw in lockers, beat up, made fun of, name called, for doing the exact things these kids do every day.

Because my students are awesome, and reflective, and probably the most awesome kids ever, (I'm going to show them this blog, thought I would throw that in there) they started critically thinking about this topic, and they thought it was interesting, that a country that allows the legal marriage of people of the same sex, would not accept people of the same sex showing affection towards each other. On the other hand, this country allows people of the same sex to show so much affection towards each other, but are completely homophobic.

As for relationships in high school.  This is what got me thinking.  Should we have relationships in high school? There are so many sides to this topic that I have no idea where to start.  I have seen the positives of having kids wait to be in a relationship, they are taken much more seriously here, and a partner is chosen either in haste because they are running out of time before, god forbid they are 25 and unwed (i'm probably going to die a lonely spinster). Or, they have had time to wait for the right person. The youth here are so innocent, they have not been exposed to the things that Western kids have been.  They respect their teachers, they respect their classmates, they respect their parents, the Principal's word means something, they WANT to learn, and for the most part they are not worried if their boyfriend dumped them, or is cheating on them, or had sex with their friend - or their friend is pregnant in high school.  Yes, some of the students have boyfriends  or girlfriends, the CANADIAN teachers usually know about these by year three, but they have to hide it.

So what have I concluded by the end of this? Nothing. I have no answers.  There are positives and negatives to both sides.  When your right is taken away to choose to be in a relationship, is that fair? No. Does it help you later in life to choose better relationships, to be mature about sex and having kids? Maybe. Is there a high rate of teen pregnancy and drug use in China - not that I have seen.

Wouldn't it be nice if we could have stayed innocent for a bit longer? We spend so much of our time when we are young wanting to be older, and from what I've heard, when we get older (I'm still 25) wanting to be young. We have to be adults so quickly in this world, start working, make money, go to school...to be young and innocent, for your entire youth, wouldn't that be nice?

I want to add that I really do have a lot more thoughts on this topic, and I've only skimmed the surface in this blog...it would take me ages to write all of my thoughts down.  So feel free to comment, the kids would love to hear what you think! If you can't comment directly, please email me, the students find it very interesting to hear what Westerner's think of China.

Just thought it was an appropriate time for some photo's...back in my "youth".

<3

Jess is going to love me for putting this photo in, but doesn't it make you laugh! Man, we were young and awesome. 

One of my very first mountain bike rides.

I'm pretty sure Ky is in grade 7 or 8 now...ahhhhhhh!

YESSSS!!!

Pretty amazing right!

DeDIcAtioN to mY FrIEndS.

WARNING: This is the cheesiest blog I have written yet, Don't judge my sappiness. :).

Two and a half months in Jinhua. Some days it feels like I have been here for two minutes, other's it feels like I have been here for two years.  I got to thinking this weekend. (I know, scary right). I am currently in a place where I am desperately missing my friends. I am missing everything about YOU. I am not missing any particular place, or time in my life, I am just missing MY friends.  You know who you are, and I want to dedicate this to YOU, and how AWESOME you are, and give a HUGE thank-you for everything we have been through together. I miss you. I think of you every day. (well not every day, but most) ;). You help me embrace the happy times, and the rough times, while travelling here in China. 

Yep. You. You have been my friend for years, months, minutes, who's counting.  I LOVE you. Everything about YOU. You know who you are. You are the one who wiped my tears, lifted me up when I was down, gave me a place to sleep, a place to live, a place to call home, scolded me when I needed it, got wastey pants and walked me home, drank shooters, or made me do shooters, mooned people on the street with me, drank wine with me, bar stool rodeoed with me, we hiked mountains, slept on mountains, skied, had crushes on stupid boys, slept with stupid boys, we have drank beers, tea, coffee, talked about our bowel movements, I have met your children and they are beautiful, we have helped each other through breakups, get togethers, and breakup's again.  We have dance partied in more places than I can count, we have went mountain biking, I wore a bridesmaid dress in your wedding, we travelled to amazing places, spent a summer sleeping in a tent, and most importantly, we have had so much FUN together.

I want you to know that you mean the world to me, and THANK-YOU! 

I realized this weekend (well, not all this weekend, but to summarize...), that no matter where we are in the world, our friends are who help us through the good times and the rough times. My friends are my family, my family are my friends. Living in China, with limited access to meeting new people, a staff who isn't super close, and a language barrier to top it off has helped me realize that regardless of the mountains, clean water, vast open spaces with few people living in them, without your friends in close proximity, you really have to rely on yourself and that inner love that we all work so hard to find. 

Thank goodness my friends are AWESOME, because you have given me the strength I need to move forward, embrace my time here and do the best I can, where I am, with what I have.

I LOVE YOU!

They just keep on surprising me...

Since the first day of school I have been working with the students to help them to do all of those good things we try and get the Canadian students to do, think critically, ask questions, participate in class, learn, try, and above all, have fun. (sounds easy right?). I have been trying to do this through presentations, team building and to be honest, giving marks for speaking in class. (it works here!)

The first set of presentations I had the students create was kind of a disaster.  I couldn't understand most of what they were saying (thank goodness I read their stories first, which by the way were just as hard to follow, thank goodness I had their plot diagram to follow...). Anyways, we are currently doing more presentations for the Novel study unit.  We talked at length about how to engage the audience, how to make it interesting, how to use your voice to captivate the audience, how to add humour, speaking slowly, having visuals...etc. etc.

Well, if those students didn't just go and listen to me, and rock their presentations today. It was, Awesome. (haha, reference to facebook for any of you who read my status).

For those of you who did not I'll add the conversation here:

Me: How are you progressing in this class?
Student: I think I have learned a lot of new English words.
Me: Oh, which ones can you tell me about?
Student: The word "Awesome" I didn't know what that word meant until you were my teacher. You say it all of the time, and on the first day I had no idea, and now I know. 
Me: That is Awesome.
Student: Yes it is.

Anyways, these kids blew me away! It was great.  I have added some photo's of one of the groups who were showing the Character Development of some of the characters in Tuck Everlasting. They went out of their comfort zone and I'm so proud of them.

P.S I did not tell them they had to dress up, make characters, any of the things they did.  We have very limited resources here, and somehow they managed to kick butt with what very little we had.

This is Jacob, he is showing the character development of Winnie Foster - the strap on his dress kept falling down, and he kept adjusting it to make sure he looked good for the entire presentation. Oh my, it was to funny.

I have no idea when they found time to make this sweet scene changer gadget.  But, again, added to the presentation, and it was "Awesome".

Dear Team. You Rocked.

I wanted to add that not every day in the classroom is as exciting as the last two posts.  Actually, most days have been pretty challenging and putting me out of my comfort zone on a regular basis.  It is wearing on me, that combined with living in a new country has made the last two weeks quite a learning experience. (actually the last two weeks have totally sucked, and it has taken a lot of reflection and motivation to stay positive). Thank goodness for Beer, Colleen, and Captain Morgan. (not necessarily in that order!)

As many of you know, finally seeing a small breakthrough in your students/patients/youth whoever you work with, is worth two months of trying to get them to put their hand up in class, when all of a sudden they rock out in a pink dress playing the main character of the story and I wonder, where the heck was that kid two months ago?!  WELCOME!!

Again, I am reminded today, that no matter where we are in the world, we have the opportunity to  learn, grow and become better people because of how we choose to move forward from the experiences we are given.

As Dr. Seuss would say "Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one"

Success.

So, the trials and tribulations of being a teacher.  I have four students in one of my classes who are very much below average, and the chances of them passing the course are very slim.  This is not good on many levels, one we need to keep students in the program, and two, if they do not finish this diploma, they will not have a chance to do the Chinese exams, leaving them with very few options.

I have been struggling about what to do, how to group them, who to group them with. How do I engage these learners? Do we keep them in the program and try to get their marks up, or move them back into the Chinese school full time?  I have found that there is a sense of commrodery between the students, and they will help all of those who are struggling, and hide it so that the teacher does not find out until a test that one of the group members has no idea what is going on. This has been a huge problem for me.

In Ontario, you group struggling students with those who can help them, so that they have a someone to help them understand what is going on. There is extra help for students with learning disabilities, there are tests to find out what the LD is. Here, I am alone. There is nothing to help these students but me. Here, grouping the struggling student with someone who can help them doesn't work, because instead of helping the student, the student who needs help relies on everyone else to do the work for them, and they will.

So. I took a chance.  I decided to group all four of my struggling students together.  I didn't like the idea, because I thought they would see what I was doing.  They would see that I put everyone who is having a tough time in the same group, and feel singled out. It goes against everything we learn in school, however something in my heart told me that this was the way to go.  My hope was, that these students will have know one to rely on but each other, and they will have to step up and do the work.

So, Friday, I moved the last of my "struggling" students together and felt a little sick to my stomach, worried that they were going to either, one, shut down completely, or two feel shamed.  What happened couldn't have made me more happy. I was having a conference with one of the students who I moved into this group about his marks (report cards are coming out), and I asked him how he felt about being moved into the new group.  He said "Ms. Killens, I LOVE my new group, I felt that in all the other groups I've been in, I could not give my opinion because I was not sure if it was right, and now, in this new group I feel very comfortable to talk, and I think I will work harder in this group."  I was SOOOO happy.  I watched this group for the remainder of the period, and although they were speaking Chinese (which is NOT allowed in the classroom), they were getting the work done.  All four students were talking, writing down answers, working together to come up with the information. They were engaged!! They finally felt comfortable enough in their group to work together to come up with the answers because they are on an equal playing field.  This works in China because students want to get a good mark, they want to be successful, it is expected.  I'm not sure I would do the same thing in an Ontario classroom, or if there would be the same outcome, but this is a different culture.  The students are different, the way they learn is different, and I need to adjust how I teach to best help them. I hope these students continue to be successful in this arrangement, and their confidence in this program increases. Big dreams I know, but I am choosing to believe that this is what will happen.

In the end I am glad I followed my heart, because if I listened to logic, and all of the things we learned in school, I would have never seen these students engaged more than I have seen since the beginning of the year.

Success this week looked like four struggling students engaged in their learning and Ms. Killens being very excited at the possibility of turning their marks around.